Be Confrontational: 3 Tips for Christ-Like Confrontation
- Khiara
- Dec 12
- 6 min read
Confrontation. sigh.
It gets such a bad rep; and probably rightfully so. Most of the confrontations that we have witnessed or participated in were less than a pleasant tea party on a mild, sunny cloudless day.
But I want to challenge us to rethink it. Let’s rewire and renew our minds to what confrontation can and should be.
Confrontation with the correct heart posture is transformative for all parties involved.
Confrontation with the correct motives can bring results of innovation and refinement in our perspectives and approach to life and connection with others.
Let’s embrace confrontation for what it’s supposed to be; and let’s restore it to what it should be.
But what is the official definition of confrontation anyway?
Confrontation: an open conflict of opposing ideas, forces, etc; a bringing together of ideas, themes, etc., for comparison.
Psychology., a technique used in group therapy, as in encounter groups, in which one is forced to recognize one's shortcomings and their possible consequences.
Confront: to present for acknowledgment, contradiction, etc.; set face to face; to face and deal with boldly or directly; to bring together for examination or comparison.
In all transparency, there are other definitions listed on dictionary.com that speak to how the distorted version of confrontation can operate. But as we can see, the definitions provided nod to the fact that it doesn’t always have to be negative.
To be confrontational is to be direct! And in a world full of passive aggressive people, directness can be taken as offensive.
How dare you come directly to me to discuss an issue you’re experiencing between us instead of doing what the rest of us normal people do and talk about it behind my back with others who have no business knowing about it?!
But as we live our lives to mirror Christ and meditate on how He would approach a similar situation, when has the Lord ever been passive aggressive?
He called Satan out directly to Peter’s face (Matthew 16:23).
He called His chosen ones stiff-necked stubborn people with His whole chest (Deuteronomy 9:6).
He didn’t beat around the bush when He confronted Paul with a piercing and straight-forward inquiry “Saul, Saul, why are you persecuting Me?” (Acts 9:4). I mean, the Lord didn’t even say hello to the man first or nothing; just straight to the point.
And our God certainly is not obscure when it comes to how He approaches us; nor does He expect us to be indirect in our dealings with Him.
Scripture proves it.
Don’t you love when that happens?
Come now, and let us reason together, saith the Lord: though your sins be as scarlet, they shall be as white as snow; though they be red like crimson, they shall be as wool.
Isaiah 1:18
Remind Me [of your merits with a thorough report], let us plead and argue our case together; State your position, that you may be proved right.
Isaiah 43:26
So let us come boldly to the throne of our gracious God…
Hebrews 4:16a
So basically, the Lord says step to Me, say what you got to say and don’t be shy about it either.
If we are expected to incorporate such an attitude towards our relationship with our Creator, how much more should we utilize such with those who are created in His image?
It is our responsibility to be direct, straightforward, communicative, and clear when tensions arise and need to be smoothed out.
HOOWWWEVER… (In the voice of Franklin Mumford from My Wife & Kids)
Before you go tell Brother so & so how he got you messed up, where he can shove his differing opinion and where he and his mama can go, let’s go over 3 tips to successfully conduct Christ-Like confrontation.
CHRIST-like, I said.
1. Pray about it first.
Before you do or say anything, get on your face.
Because first of all, we want to ensure that we come correct.
Just because you feel like it’s a problem does not mean it is indeed a problem. Just because you feel some type of way does not mean that it’s a way to feel.
Spoiler alert: the overarching theme of all three of these points is ✨humility✨.
A curse word in the world but a requirement in the Kingdom.
Prayer reveals the current heart posture while producing the correct one.
Prayer is humility at work as it is the action of seeking the Lord on the matter first regardless of how we feel and think.
So how can we pray about it? What does that look like?
Get it off your chest raw and uncut.
Lay it before the Lord and don’t hold back. The Lord is our safe space. Admittance is the first step. How can you and He reason together and come to a conclusion on a matter if you’re not being forthright about the issue? Trust that He is not offended by your big feelings; He welcomes them.
Many times, after I get it off my chest and hear myself talking about it with the Lord, He doesn't even have to say anything to me because I reach the conclusion all by myself: that your girl is actually the one that’s tripping and not the proposed foe. 😬
Invite the Lord’s opinion. Ask Him for His two cents.
Again, humility is the heart posture in which we are operating and pursuing.
Why are we praying about it? To try to justify to the Lord that we got the right to knock homegirl’s head off her shoulders? Or to surrender ourselves (and our strong desires of combat) to the will and thoughts of the Lord EVEN IF they differ from ours.
Be open to receive instruction on how, when and where to confront if He is allowing so. Be open to a different perspective or focal point of discussion for the confrontation.
Be flexible with how Holy Spirit would advise for this to go.
Pray for the person you would like to confront.
Who said dat???
Talk about CHRIST-LIKE confrontation because HUH? According to me, what is there to pray about? She’s wrong, I’m right. Case closed.
But according to Scripture: Matthew 5:44 to be exact - “But I say unto you, love your enemies, bless them that curse you, do good to them that hate you, and pray for them that despitefully use you and persecute you.”
The person at the other end of your proposed confrontation is a son and daughter of God, just like we are; making them your brother or sister in the Lord, made in His image. Isn’t that alone worthy of your intercession on their behalf?
2. Check our motives.
Let’s be very for real: why do you even want to confront this person?
Is it so they know that you are NOT the one (nor the two) to play with? Valid.
Or is it to come to a mutual understanding (even at the expense of not being proven right in the matter)?
Examine your why. That in itself may reveal other things that should take priority over confronting whats-her-name.
3. Be prepared to not confront at all.
Ain’t that like the Father? To validate that how you feel is indeed justified but to instruct you to forgive them without saying a word instead?
Sounds just like Him to me!
After we pray on the matter to seek the Lord’s counsel, what if His counsel is for you to say not a nary word and to continue to labor in prayer for them? Or even serve them or bless them with an act of kindness?
We must be prepared to do things His way and not ours. ✨HUMILITY✨
“‘Vengeance is mine, saith the Lord’”, not ours (Romans 12:19). We relinquished control of the situation and the outcome when we invited the Lord to the scene. Let Him have it (even if He does allow us to confront). He knows best, His perspective is perfect and all things work together for the good of them that love Him and are called according to His purpose, including confrontations.
I love that the Lord doesn’t promote us to be cowardly, timid or weak to look more like Christ. On the contrary, we have been given power, love, and a sound mind (2 Timothy 1:7), the perfect tools to do confrontation in a way that glorifies and pleases Him as well as edifies the person on the other side of the tension.
So before you body slam a coworker, breathe and come back to this blog entry for a helpful talk-down from the ledge.
I’m rooting for you!
Comment below with your thoughts.
xoxo,
Khiara
A Called Creative for Called Creatives
Prayer Points
Psalm 19:14 - Let the words of my mouth and the meditation of my heart
Be acceptable and pleasing in Your sight, O Lord, my [firm, immovable] rock and my Redeemer.
Matthew 5:44 - “But I say unto you, love your enemies, bless them that curse you, do good to them that hate you, and pray for them that despitefully use you and persecute you
Proverbs 15:1 - A gentle answer deflects anger, but harsh words make tempers flare.
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